July 30, 2018

Just Trying to Survive

I had genuinely thought that this past month would see some regular or at least semi-regular posting from me. I was enjoying writing again, and I looked forward to covering some topics I've wanted to discuss for quite a while.

And then the record-breaking heat wave began three and a half weeks ago. The first three days the temperatures were 108, 103 and 97. Then it leveled off in the mid-90s for several days. I don't know what the temperature was in my second floor, non-airconditioned apartment, but I do know it was unbearable. On three occasions during that dreadful week, I was within minutes of dialing 911. But my last experience with medical personnel was so terrible that I resist calling 911 unless I am close to completely convinced that I'll die if I don't. I was almost there, but then the worst of my symptoms would let up just a little, enough so that I would postpone calling 911 to another day.

I also didn't want to leave Sasha. I have a couple of neighbors who can look in on her and feed her if I'm in the hospital. But I wanted to stay with her, because I've never seen a cat suffer so in the heat before. She was panting like a dog some of the time and seemed very distressed. I did my best to cool her down, and somehow she managed to get through the worst of it too.

Even though the worst of the heat is over for the moment, it hasn't really cooled off here. The temperatures still hit highs between 87 or 88 and the low to mid-90s every day. It appears things will continue this way for another week or so. Yesterday, they predicted a high of 87; in the event, it was 94 at 2 PM. I add about five degrees to the predictions to protect myself from unjustified hope that I might one day feel cool again.

Sasha seems to have returned to her former self for the most part. But I'm a wretched mess at this point. I'm feeling slightly better than I did a week ago, but it's excruciatingly slow going. And even though I make brief notations about stories I want to discuss, I'm not capable of focusing for more than a few minutes at a time on subjects that are at all complicated (which is just about everything I want to write about). So I can't make any representations about when a new post will appear. I try my best every day, and that's all I can do.

It dawned on me over the weekend that the end of the month is almost here. Because I would like to survive this awful period, and because I would like to do some more writing as soon as I can, I have to ask for donations once again. I hate it; you hate it; I guess we can agree that we all hate it. But I have no other source of income. I'm close to completely broke right now, with nothing for rent, the internet, and so on. And screw the 911 call for me: I'd very much like to get Sasha to the vet, but with no money, that's impossible.

So if that $10 is burning a hole in your pocket, Sasha and I would happily put it to good use. Any and all donations will be most gratefully received, as always. And tomorrow morning, and the next morning and the morning after that, I will continue to try to do some writing. One of these days, my brain will start to clear up and stop feeling like a soggy mass of glop.

Many, many thanks for your great kindness. Blessings -- and coolness -- upon you, and all of us.

July 02, 2018

Getting Closer ...

I had to spend a good part of today on the eviction-relocation business, including speaking about several matters with a company that does relocation work on behalf of the city, and then sharing information with a few of the other tenants. So my focus has been a bit shattered.

As a result, I continue to work on the next part of my examination of the Watkins-Wolfe story, but I fully intend to publish the third installment tomorrow, probably in the afternoon. I'm still not sure if three parts will do it. But if I do have further observations beyond part three, I may do posts about a few other subjects before returning to the story of the affair!

In response to the update about my personal situation, I have received a few additional donations. Thank you, thank you! However, I'm still $300-400 short of what I need for this group of bills (rent, internet, electricity, phone). And if I were to receive a bit more than that, I'd be able to stock up on some food. I'm told it's good to have food around. It's been quite a while since I've been able to buy groceries without counting pennies, but I have a vague recollection that food and eating regularly are good things.

But maybe this is the end of the road for me. Who knows. If it is, I have to say it's a shitty deal. There are lots of rotten people in the world. I'm happy and proud to say I'm not one of them. But hell, it's not as if the universe arranges itself so that people get what they deserve, and what they deserve according to our particular perspectives. (Regular readers may recall that extreme heat has a horrible effect on me, particularly in light of my health problems -- atrial fibrillation, heart disease, and so on. Just to keep me in line, the malevolent gods have arranged for temperatures to rise to 100 and above later this week. Imagine my inexpressible joy.)

As always, I'm enormously thankful for any help you may be able to offer. Thank you!

July 01, 2018

The Year of Anxiety

The Age of Anxiety is not only an Auden poem (and a symphony by Bernstein, and two ballets, as well). It also appears that the phrase describes what may be my overall state of being for the next year.

Several days ago, I explained that the owners of my apartment building have begun the countdown to demolition. Fortunately, we have until the end of May of next year to vacate the premises. Even though that's a substantial period of time for relocation, I'm considerably overwhelmed by everything that must be done, especially given my age and physical limitations (which are severe at this point). And in the meantime, I still must pay rent each month.

In response to that earlier post, I've received nine donations, totaling $405.00. My deep thanks to those angels of mercy. That will cover internet service and bills for electricity and telephone (all of which must also be paid within the next week, and which are obviously critical), leaving about $160 for rent. That means I'm $800 short of what is needed. I'm not including money for food. I have no money for food. What I have on hand will last four or five days, and that's it.

If you're able to help at all, it would be deeply, sincerely appreciated. As I've already mentioned, the building owners are required to pay me a relocation fee, since this is a forced, no-fault eviction. But if I were to be late with the rent during this interim period -- well, then they can evict me for non-payment, and not have to pay me a single cent. It would be a gift to them, so this is an awful time to be unable to make the rent payment. I have until the fifth to pay the rent in a timely manner; after that ...

In the meantime, I published the the second, lengthy part of my discussion about the Watkins-Wolfe story and related issues the other day. I'm in the midst of the third installment now; I expect to publish it tomorrow, barring unforeseen complications. The third part will probably be the last, although the subject is turning out to be richer than I had thought. It raises a host of issues, some of which only became clearer to me in the last few days. So the writing is going well. And I have a long list of other topics I want to get to. As I also mentioned, I'm finding that getting back to writing is a wonderful and welcome distraction to the nerve-wracking circumstances of my life at the moment. And they are very nerve-wracking.

A little relief would be a blessing. I offer my immense gratitude in advance for any assistance you may be able to offer. Many, many thanks.