August 19, 2011

Stop This Dangerous Flash Mob!

I can admit when I've made a mistake. I've made a whole bunch of 'em lately. A related realization, which comes tragically late in my life: just because I'm a limp-wristed, nelly faggot, that doesn't mean I have to think like one.

Lots and lots of people tell me that looting is always, always wrong. Except when it isn't. Okay, I get that! When a ludicrously mythologized national history transforms what is looting (and rioting!) by any definition into a glossy, pornographic celebration of violence, you go with the ludicrously mythologized history. This particular celebration of violence comports with the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves, and it flatters our self-image -- we were fighting for freedom and equal rights for all! -- so sometimes violence is, like, totally swell. I get it! Will you be my friend now?

And even though I said I think that violence is always deeply tragic (how limp-wristed and nelly can you get? that is just fucking embarrassing), I wrote a few posts that may have sounded like I'm sympathetic to bad looters and rioters. The bad looters and rioters are the ones who aren't like us, who aren't part of our mythology, who don't tell our particular lies. The bad looters and rioters are the ones we don't want in our neighborhoods, littering outside the Starbuck's or our favorite hair stylist's, acting "inappropriately," or making us uncomfortable. They aren't our kind of people. I know I don't need to explain that to you. You would never riot! God bless you.

And rioting is totally wrong! So I may be a limp-wristed, nelly faggot ... but Stonewall? TOTALLY WRONG! Do you see the title of this Wikipedia entry? "STONEWALL RIOTS." Riots!!!! Fucking faggots. (They're, like, the worst kind of faggots.) And, Jesus, I mean, Wikipedia. Right at the beginning, it says:
The Stonewall riots were a series of spontaneous, violent [!!!] demonstrations against a police raid that took place in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn, in the Greenwich Village neighborhood of New York City. They are frequently cited as the first instance in American history when people in the homosexual community fought back against a government-sponsored system that persecuted sexual minorities, and they have become the defining event that marked the start of the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.

American gays and lesbians in the 1950s and 1960s faced a legal system more anti-homosexual than those of some Warsaw Pact countries.
Never mind whether any of this is true: it is, like, completely obviously Commie propaganda. Another mistake I made: please disregard completely the post I wrote in 2003 about my experiences as a teenager in the 1960s. (Christ, I'm old. Nothing scarier than an angry, aging queen, right, baby? You will tremble!) And seriously, big deal: so a well-known psychologist wanted to "cure" me with electroshock therapy. So I thought about killing myself. A lot. That was just my weakness, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the culture I lived in. This is America, which was fucking founded so that everyone could have equal rights! And all those rioting queens at Stonewall. I mean, if all of us had just had lots and lots of shock therapy, everything would have been fine, right? Right???

Some of you are going to start whining about Native Americans, or women, or Blacks. I've done way too much of that myself. But think about it for a minute. Every single one of those groups engaged in violence. Sometimes they even rioted! That is TOTALLY WRONG. So they had to be eliminated, or controlled, or co-opted (thanks, Obama!). They asked for it! Then, after they were eliminated, or controlled, or co-opted, then maybe, America would grant them equal rights. Kind of. A little bit. Here and there. When America feels like it.

But America isn't being violent or rioting. The government isn't being violent or rioting. The ruling class isn't being violent or rioting. America is being America! Stop being such a goddamned faggot. I did, so you can, too.

So I think it's fabulous that England is throwing people in jail for writing Facebook posts. They were inciting violence! They are definitely not our kind of people. Maybe they were completely "unsuccessful" in inciting violence, and maybe they were just "joking." That doesn't matter:
To put the ‘Facebook sentences’ into context, Chester Court’s presiding judge for the case, Judge Elgan Edwards, said that he hoped they would act as a deterrent to would-be rioters.

Other crimes that carry a four year custodial sentence include offences such as kidnapping and killing someone whilst drink driving.
A Facebook post is the same as kidnapping or killing someone. Makes sense to me! (Thanks to the reader who sent me that link. But he shouldn't send such a nice note to a limp-wristed, nelly faggot. He might get defriended! Don't worry, though: I won't ever identify him. I'm not a nelly faggot anymore! I know how to keep my mouth shut! Watch it ... do not go there.)

I also think it's fabulous that lots of people in government are thinking about censoring and even shutting down social networks:
The major social networks have been called to the home office next Thursday to discuss the English riots.

So far only Facebook has confirmed its attendance, although Blackberry has suggested it will also be there.

Facebook, Twitter and Blackberry have all been criticised after it emerged that some rioters may have used them to plan trouble or encourage others.

David Cameron has said the government would look at limiting access to such services during any future disorder.


Prime Minister David Cameron sparked controversy when he suggested that the government might look at disconnecting some online and telecommunications services in the event of further civil disorder.

Addressing Parliament he said: "...we are working with the police, the intelligence services and industry to look at whether it would be right to stop people communicating via these websites and services when we know they are plotting violence, disorder and criminality."
"When we know..." God, I love this! The State knows so much! It knew Iraq was an imminent threat requiring a huge invasion and endless occupation, it knows Iran is a ginormous threat (maybe another fun invasion and occupation!), it knows we have to kill people in Libya to prevent people from being killed in Libya, it knows we have to stay in Afghanistan, and Pakistan, and oodles of other places.

This is too much fun, and the U.S. doesn't want to be left out:
A summer marked by social-media-fueled riots in England and flash-mob violence in several American cities, including Philadelphia and Cleveland, has officials debating how much they should — and legally can — crack down.


Officials at the Bay Area Rapid Transit District have taken perhaps the most controversial step. Faced with a large demonstration on a subway platform announced by social media to protest the police shooting of a knife-wielding man, BART last week shut down cellphone service at the station. Officials said their goal was to protect the safety of subway riders, but critics immediately blasted the transit agency, saying it encroached on their free-speech rights. New protests Monday shut down several BART stations.
"Free-speech rights," my magnificent faggot ass. I would seriously appreciate it if you stopped staring at it. Don't want people talking about you. "If you see something, say something." Don't want people saying something about you.

This is really great. Think about the possibilities. As more and more people turn to ebooks and we eliminate all that annoying paper crap, we can finally get rid of all the trash that talks about revolution and violence and rioting. Now don't go all faggot on me again. Don't start whining about "classics" and shit like that. When everything is digital, the State can finally control it all! We'll finally have genuine peace on Earth and equal rights for all. We all know that's what the ruling class wants. That's what they keep telling us.

I want to help. Seriously. There's a flash mob we have to stop. The leaders openly brag about their prowess: “We’re getting organized; we’re getting very organized." Their Ultimate Leader has opened an account with a location-based social networking service called Foursquare. They claim they “will wage the most innovative and effective digital campaign in history, " and that their "team that will not just surpass but demolish our ... communications, and organizing goals.”

They already have about 9 million followers. And they've already committed systematic, organized violence and rioting in lots of places all over the world -- and they promise to bring organized violence and rioting to 120 countries by the end of the year!

You have to agree that this is very, very dangerous stuff.

For God's sake, please, STOP THEM!!