Perhaps One Loss Too Many

[Update: I see that Blogger managed to publish this. How perfectly awful.]

I just spent close to six hours writing a very, very long essay. It dealt with politics, art and some deeply personal issues. It reflected a lot of thought over a very long time. I hit "Publish" -- and not only didn't it publish, but Blogger wiped out every trace of it. It's gone ... entirely gone.

I used to write essays in Gmail, but I've been having a lot of trouble with Gmail in recent weeks. The problems make it impossible to write anything but very short messages there. So I wrote all of this new essay in Blogger itself. And now it's vanished altogether. After I hit "Publish," Blogger chugged away for several minutes ... and then it stopped. The essay was gone.

So I'll have to recreate it. But not today. I can't go through all that again today. Perhaps tomorrow, or the next day.

Such is my shitty life, with a shitty computer and a shitty dialup connection. I've never been able to get a decent, fast connection, primarily because of my credit history (or rather, my entire lack of "creditworthiness"; in other words, I've never had the money). Being very, very poor sucks. Yeah, some news there.

I suppose we often don't know when we've finally had enough, and just don't have the energy to do one more goddamned thing. But I may have reached that point today.

I hope not, as I know perhaps 20 of you do, too. How entirely pathetic all this is. And how wretchedly self-pitying I am.

Enough for the moment.