November 20, 2007

More and Better Stupid Shit in 2008!

Americans love love LOVE stupid shit. Thinking about this undeniable fact, I've realized that we dissenting writers -- all 12 of us -- have made a HUGE, unbelievably dumb mistake. That's because we really really BELIEVE in STUPID SHIT.

Look at Antiwar.com. I mean, LOOK AT IT. Here you have a site that is totally, absolutely for PEACE. Is that stupid shit or what? Antiwar.com collects news links to stories covering the globe, stories you won't find conveniently offered like that anywhere else. It presents original, first-rate commentary every single day. EVERY DAY.

This is STUPID SHIT.

So they have to beg for money. That's because they think they have to pretend they're offering something that ISN'T stupid shit. This is, how do you say, dumb. Wise up, Antiwar.com! Say you want money for stupid shit. Then you'll be rich rich RICH, just like Britney Spears.

ANTIWAR.COM GIVES YOU MORE AND BETTER STUPID SHIT THAN ANYONE ELSE.

Tell everyone you know. Send them money yourself. Tell everyone else to send them money for all that stupid shit.

You watch. They'll be rolling in dough by the end of Thanksgiving weekend.

P.S. I know you have lots of change stuffed under your sofa cushions, under your mattress, in your freezer, wherever. So after you send most of it to Antiwar.com, if you have a little left, I could use some of it myself for, you know, December rent, and food, and other STUPID SHIT. I write TONS of stupid shit. I know this, because almost no one reads it. Like these essays. "On Torture." Stupid shit, right? Someone, don't remember which site now, linked to that about six months ago, sending around 4,000 visitors to that summary post over three or four days. I watched to see how many people followed the links to read even ONE of the individual essays. Know how many? About TEN people. Out of 4,000. That's because it's STUPID SHIT.

So are all the essays in this series. Or the one from just the other day. Almost no one reads any of it. Because it's STUPID SHIT. I act like it's all carefully reasoned and presented, based in history and political theory, and blahblahfuckityfuckblah. Hell, it's not ANY of that. It's STUPID SHIT. Yayyyyy!!!!!!

I write stupid shit better than anyone! (Well, except Antiwar.com.) I should be rich, too! I love love LOVE dealing with rotting teeth, and wondering whether it's worth it or not. It's NOT, you know. But I do it anyway, because I believe in STUPID SHIT.

Send Antiwar.com money. Send me money. MORE AND BETTER STUPID SHIT IN 2008! MORE AND BETTER STUPID SHIT FOREVER!

When peace breaks out all over the world and when liberty is restored (hah!), we'll all have stupid shit for ourselves! A few of us are way ahead on this. That's because we're for real American values! We're for REAL, GENUINE stupid shit!

Spread the word. Send money. My commitment to stupid shit is absolute and non-negotiable. I can't speak for Antiwar.com, but they seem to do pretty well for themselves on that score.

Okay. I'm done for the moment. Remember: more and better stupid shit in 2008! Learn it. Live it. Do it, NOW.

P.P.S. Oh, you still have some money left over? Send it to Chris Floyd. He writes absolutely first-rate STUPID SHIT. He should be fabulously wealthy. Send him money!

You can never, EVER have too much stupid shit.