Conundrum
My fellow citizens...my very handsome fellow citizens...and I see we have some members of our armed services here this morning, looking so proud and strong in their uniforms, so strong...and taut...and firm...and...oh, yes, yes, of course...a warm welcome to the lovely ladies, too. I must speak to you this morning about the success of our surge. As I'm certain our strong and manly generals will soon tell us...so strong and firm in their uniforms...so taut and...oh...yes, certainly...as I know they will tell us, our surge is working!
As we forcefully press on, plunging deeper into unfriendly territory, making our will unmistakably plain as we harden our resolve...what? What are you talking about? Why would you ask that? No, I'm not gay. As we press deeper, we claim more territory for...ah...for...damn...oh, yes, for freedom! Nothing can defeat us or impede our progress, just as nothing has ever defeated us when we've been determined, when we've been hard enough, when we've broken through with force and strength...and...and...
What? Why do you keep asking that? I am not gay. Real men don't give up at the first sign of resistance, not even when the resistance goes on, day after day, minute after minute...thwarting our will, which we must make even harder...we must push forward and never give even an inch, only move steadily forward, inch by inch, steadily forward, until we plunge home!
No. No. I'm not gay, and I've never been gay. What the hell is wrong with you?
Some people say we should just stay home, where it's safe and the unknown can't threaten us. But are we ever truly safe? And that isn't the course of real men, of manly men. Real men seek out danger, and look for opportunities to test their strength and make their will known. Manly men realize that we can never be safe until we conquer those who would resist our hard resolve, who try to oppose our firm, unrelenting...hard...never soft...strong...we must never let our will go limp!
Sometimes it takes longer than we think it will. That can take its toll, and increase the dangers even more. But we still must harden our will and our...our...ah..um...our resolve! Harden our resolve, and make it firm! We can and must make the enemy submit to our superior strength, and our firm, hard will! No matter how long it takes, no matter how strong the resistance. That only makes the final triumph that much sweeter! When we get all the way in, when we make our determination known, when everyone knows that we are real men, who never give up, and never go soft, then we win! We...we...
No! No! I'm not...never have been...hard...firm...press on...inch by inch...strong...hard...
Oh, no...oh, God...I told Bush, I told that limp-wristed pansy to crush those bastards, just to get it over with. I knew that the longer it went on, the harder the resistance, the more we had to push and struggle, always keeping our will hard and firm, the more I'd like it and never want it to stop. I warned him! He doesn't give a damn. You know what? I think he likes it too, even more than I do! Maybe you ought to ask him all your damned questions.
Oh, God. I'm sorry. But it's not my fault. Don't you see? Iraq made me gay! Iraq trapped me, it pulled me in, it said no over and over again, but I knew it really meant yes, it demanded more and more and more...and now, I don't even know if I can stay hard anymore.
What am I saying? Of course I can stay hard! Harder than ever! Iran! That's the answer! Iran...oh...oh, yes...I'm getting excited again. My...will...is firm again...hard and strong and firm! Iran! Iran! Oh, yes...
Oh, God...that feels so good...
(Coincidentally...actually, not coincidentally at all...I'm working on a complicated essay that concerns our national conversation about concepts of masculinity and manhood, and how those ideas influence national policy, including very notably foreign policy. As it turns out, this particular national discussion goes back to the 1890s, which was the critical decade for everything that followed, as I've discussed in an article about Thomas B. Reed, in a piece about the annexation of Hawaii, and in several posts about the Philippine occupation, here and here. But before getting to that more serious article, I had to...um...get this out of my system. Other related posts: "Why I'm Hard for Iraq," and "The Dynamics of Rising American Fascism," the latter of which discusses our murderous and violent "ideal" of "manhood" and its endlessly destructive and deforming effects.
The Larry Craig story obviously involves other issues as well, including the continuing demonization and exclusion of gays and lesbians from mainstream, "normal" American life; see, "We Are Not Freaks." I'll soon have more about the Craig story and those issues, too.)
As we forcefully press on, plunging deeper into unfriendly territory, making our will unmistakably plain as we harden our resolve...what? What are you talking about? Why would you ask that? No, I'm not gay. As we press deeper, we claim more territory for...ah...for...damn...oh, yes, for freedom! Nothing can defeat us or impede our progress, just as nothing has ever defeated us when we've been determined, when we've been hard enough, when we've broken through with force and strength...and...and...
What? Why do you keep asking that? I am not gay. Real men don't give up at the first sign of resistance, not even when the resistance goes on, day after day, minute after minute...thwarting our will, which we must make even harder...we must push forward and never give even an inch, only move steadily forward, inch by inch, steadily forward, until we plunge home!
No. No. I'm not gay, and I've never been gay. What the hell is wrong with you?
Some people say we should just stay home, where it's safe and the unknown can't threaten us. But are we ever truly safe? And that isn't the course of real men, of manly men. Real men seek out danger, and look for opportunities to test their strength and make their will known. Manly men realize that we can never be safe until we conquer those who would resist our hard resolve, who try to oppose our firm, unrelenting...hard...never soft...strong...we must never let our will go limp!
Sometimes it takes longer than we think it will. That can take its toll, and increase the dangers even more. But we still must harden our will and our...our...ah..um...our resolve! Harden our resolve, and make it firm! We can and must make the enemy submit to our superior strength, and our firm, hard will! No matter how long it takes, no matter how strong the resistance. That only makes the final triumph that much sweeter! When we get all the way in, when we make our determination known, when everyone knows that we are real men, who never give up, and never go soft, then we win! We...we...
No! No! I'm not...never have been...hard...firm...press on...inch by inch...strong...hard...
Oh, no...oh, God...I told Bush, I told that limp-wristed pansy to crush those bastards, just to get it over with. I knew that the longer it went on, the harder the resistance, the more we had to push and struggle, always keeping our will hard and firm, the more I'd like it and never want it to stop. I warned him! He doesn't give a damn. You know what? I think he likes it too, even more than I do! Maybe you ought to ask him all your damned questions.
Oh, God. I'm sorry. But it's not my fault. Don't you see? Iraq made me gay! Iraq trapped me, it pulled me in, it said no over and over again, but I knew it really meant yes, it demanded more and more and more...and now, I don't even know if I can stay hard anymore.
What am I saying? Of course I can stay hard! Harder than ever! Iran! That's the answer! Iran...oh...oh, yes...I'm getting excited again. My...will...is firm again...hard and strong and firm! Iran! Iran! Oh, yes...
Oh, God...that feels so good...
(Coincidentally...actually, not coincidentally at all...I'm working on a complicated essay that concerns our national conversation about concepts of masculinity and manhood, and how those ideas influence national policy, including very notably foreign policy. As it turns out, this particular national discussion goes back to the 1890s, which was the critical decade for everything that followed, as I've discussed in an article about Thomas B. Reed, in a piece about the annexation of Hawaii, and in several posts about the Philippine occupation, here and here. But before getting to that more serious article, I had to...um...get this out of my system. Other related posts: "Why I'm Hard for Iraq," and "The Dynamics of Rising American Fascism," the latter of which discusses our murderous and violent "ideal" of "manhood" and its endlessly destructive and deforming effects.
The Larry Craig story obviously involves other issues as well, including the continuing demonization and exclusion of gays and lesbians from mainstream, "normal" American life; see, "We Are Not Freaks." I'll soon have more about the Craig story and those issues, too.)
posted by Arthur Silber at 8:29 AM
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