The Terror Masters Have Won

What else can one conclude, if the forces fighting for Krispy Kreme, Beckham and Paris Hilton are reduced to this:

Police in Iran are reported to have taken 14 squirrels into custody - because they are suspected of spying.

The rodents were found near the Iranian border allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices.

The reports have come from the official Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA).

When asked about the confiscation of the spy squirrels, the national police chief said: "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information."

The IRNA said that the squirrels were kitted out by foreign intelligence services - but they were captured two weeks ago by police officers.

Now someone in the Foreign Office may have airily claimed, "The story is nuts," but the article seeks to disspell transparent denial and unwarranted cynicism. It recalls the fabled military use of pigeons, chickens and dolphins, and concludes with:

It is even claimed that M15 once planned to recruit a team of specially-trained gerbils as a secret weapon to sniff out spies.

Cut it out. We all know what you're thinking. Cut it out.

Just stop. Right now.

Stop.