Rush Loves Marty

Yesterday, Rush Limbaugh dared to go where no man had ever gone before -- at least, not without the wondrous benefits of "le pill bleu," in the words of James Wolcott. All these whiny Americans, intoned the "big, lovable fuzzball," complaining about the inept, disorganized efforts of their government to get them out of Lebanon. And how dare they whine about being asked to pay for their rescue? Real men pay their own way.

Deploying his darkest, most threatening tones, Limbaugh asked the question "that I know we're not supposed to ask": "Just what were those Americans doing in Lebanon anyway? This isn't a Caribbean resort, you know. Didn't they realize the danger? Don't they have any sense of personal responsibility? But I know we're not supposed to ask that question." As Wolcott further notes about Limbaugh's deranged diatribe, perhaps these very suspicious Americans are actually Hezbollah supporters! And we're rescuing their sorry, traitorous asses. This is the pitiful state to which a once-great America has descended.

So this morning, Limbaugh was positively gleeful as he read the words of the ever-wise, ever-kindly Martin Peretz. "You see," Limbaugh implied, "even The New Republic gets this." That is, "normal" and "patriotic" Americans get it. Thus speaketh El Peretzbo:

I have just read the five Lebanon Travel Warnings issued by the Department of State from November 18, 2004 through today, July 19. OK, forget about the last one. It came too late for those trapped in Lebanon now. But people who still don't take its advice have only themselves to blame. Or they don't watch television. But the four statements of foreboding that came before--I haven't gone further back than November 2004--don't make Lebanon seem at all inviting, and the insistent travelers--come to think of it--also have only themselves to blame.

...

Why families would take their kids for long summer vacations into this environment is beyond me. But many have, and a lot of them have been whining on television about how the U.S. government didn't rescue them promptly (and comfortably) from the touristic mayhem they put themselves in on their own volition and despite the feds' detailed descriptions of general and specific menace in the country. Many of those who bitched for the cameras seem to me to be especially petulant, even those who have already arrived in Cyprus. They complained about accommodations and the shortage of food, as if they were on a Greek Island cruise boat suddenly deserted by the chef. No sense of individual responsibility either for having put themselves in harm's way despite State's effort to keep them at home ... or maybe go to Venice instead.

All this is a good start, but I am gravely disappointed in Peretz and Limbaugh. They don't go nearly far enough.

My bravery is second to no one's, and it certainly exceeds that of these weak-willed chickenhawk warriors. I can ask much, much tougher questions than they ever will. To wit:

One: Why are the moronic Lebanese still living in Lebanon? Don't they realize the country was only just beginning to be stabilized, and that it was likely to be completely destroyed in another war? Are these people idiots? Find another country, you lazy-assed bastards, and stop your petulant whining about civilian casualties. And one-third of the casualties in the Lebanon-Israeli conflict are children. To quote the gutsy Michelle Malkin: Boo Freakin Hoo. Didn't those kids have parents? Didn't the parents realize what their responsibilities were?

Two: Why is anyone still living in the Middle East? Don't they understand it's probably the single most dangerous area in the entire world? How stupid are these people? Antarctica has lots of space. I think Canada does, too. Move, for God's sake! Sheesh, do I need to make drawings for you? Look at a map of the world, AND MOVE!!

Three: For that matter, since most everyone now agrees that this global warming stuff is true, why are any of you still living on Earth? Huh?? Don't you have any sense of responsibility at all -- if not for yourselves, for your children? There's the moon. There are a bunch of other planets. Get out while you still have time! And please, please, don't come bitching to those of us who will be living under magic domes on the moon or Venus or someplace, and beg for us to let you in. Please. I'm telling you now: the dome will not be lifted for the likes of you. Learn to plan ahead. You should have learned that in third grade.

So I can only give Limbaugh and Peretz half a point. They have the right idea, but they don't see the obvious implications of their own ideas. Toughen up, you weenies! Lay it on the ignorant peasants! Tell them to toughen up and be real men like you! (I assume they can stock up on les pills bleus as required.)

Real men take responsibility for themselves and their lives. Just ask Roy Black. Check with Jason Zengerle, too.

P.S. And I assume you all remember the earlier example of this same deplorable phenomenon: all those poor, bad blacks in New Orleans, who got exactly what they deserved. What a nation of weaklings we are. We better bomb Iran and Syria damned soon, or our manhood will be destroyed for all time.