August 31, 2017

Very Sick, and Scared

I'm very sorry for my absence, and I'm especially sorry that I haven't been able to continue with my writing. But I'm terribly sick right now. It's probably most likely that my health problems are the result of worsening heart disease; since I don't have the benefit of ongoing medical care, I can't know for certain. The result is that I'm able to do less and less, even within the confines of my small apartment. If my condition becomes substantially worse, it's unclear if I'll even be able to take care of myself on the most basic level. I try not to think about that, and hope that I'll improve, at least a little.

It will help when this cursed heat wave ends. We had a couple of weeks of mercifully cooler weather, but the heat wave that began several days ago will last until next week. It's truly brutal. I'm able to get out of bed only a couple of hours a day.

And just like that, the end of the month is here again. I have about a third of what I need for rent and a few other first of the month bills. This time, I also have a $92 electric bill due; I've already gotten an extension on it, so it has to be paid next week. About a thousand dollars would soothe the savage debt beast -- not that much at all in the scheme of things, but a fortune to me at the moment. If I'm not able to pay the rent by Tuesday of next week ... the prospect of homelessness, given my health, terrifies me. If I'm barely able to survive in an apartment, I wouldn't stand a chance on the street.

I hope cooler weather returns soon, and that I'm able to get a bit stronger. I continue to make lots of notes for essays I've started and articles I'd like to write -- particular points I want to make, a nice phrase or two that occurs to me -- but I can't write for sustained periods of time, which is what I require. I desperately hope all that comes back to me in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, if you are able to contribute toward my very basic living expenses, I guarantee you a very cool place in heaven. (If you are one of those odd and strange people who actively enjoys very hot weather, I don't know what to say, other than to observe that you're weird, dude.) I offer my deep thanks to all those who make donations. Sasha is very grateful, too. Miraculously, Sasha seems okay now -- none of her symptoms has returned, and she's eating well. She's still too thin, but she's holding steady. One blessed beam of light in the midst of darkening calamity.

All my thanks for your patience and attention, and for your help.