June 11, 2008

Sin and Salvation, American-Style

Awesome, although it is a pathetically small advance in the direction of serious sinning. What a wimptastic country this is.

But I'll tell you: if Barack and Michelle organized a few orgies, with plentiful supplies of pot and coke available to all attendees, I just might consider voting for the son of a bitch.

Oh, relax. I have to say that. Otherwise, there is no chance at all of their inviting me. And hell, they're rich. They can pay all my travel expenses. I don't even need a hotel. I can just, you know, stay at the orgy. (All decent orgies last a minimum of two full days, preferably three.)

Can't you see the Drudge headlines now?
SHOCKER! Leftist-anarchist critic endorses Obama!
With a followup:
Rumors swirl: Support bought with sex and drugs???
And people say I don't have dreams.

P.S. To achieve maximum effect, after this scandalous story breaks, Barack, Michelle and I will publicly confess to our lamentable weakness in succumbing to evil, evil temptation. We'll go on Oprah and talk about sin and salvation (Barack appears to be courting the salvation peddlers with religious fervor, as it were. How progressive of him! Hmm, actually it is very progressive of him...), and we'll all go straight together. So to speak. But only after we describe the salacious goings-on in lubricious, technicolor detail. You have to sell salvation, know what I mean? Barack knows.

Hell, I'll even get married for the cause. As long as she looks exactly like this.