February 15, 2007

Faggots Have Icky Sex, And We Can Whup Your Ass

[UPDATE: I've left a few comments over at TAPPED. I fear I may have to leave more...

...and a bit more here.]

How can I phrase this politely? I'll try this: scratch a lot of liberals with the "right" attitudes, and you'll find they have the wrong attitudes. And not just wrong: horribly, sickeningly, disgustingly wrong. I love the smell of straight male privilege in the morning. It makes me puke.

So you wonder what prompted this. First, we had Josh Marshall gratuitously including his little slam at "icky" gay sex, and now we have this from Tom Schaller:
QUEER EYE FOR THE SPORTS GUYS. As a straight guy, I can tell you how easy it is for straight guys to make fun of gay men who are demonstrably effeminate. (I’d be lying if I said I have never made gay jokes; in certain settings straight men often make gay remarks, often about and to each other.) So, for example, Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makes a convenient target because he fits the even more convenient stereotype: a thin, neat, self-described sissy who proudly knows his way around Sephora.
Gee, Tom, do you make nigger jokes about blacks who are, you know, demonstrably black? You schmuck. Here's a not-so-friendly piece of advice, schmuck: these are thoughts you should keep to yourself. Some of us aren't vaguely fucking interested. Do you think I'm angry? You have no idea.

Schaller's final bit should also be noted:
Kressley is a guy you could -- pardon the pun -- lick in a fight; Amaechi and Tuaolo, not so much. The bothersome part is not that they might be looking at your ass, but that they could kick your ass. Beneath all the "ruins team morale" stuff, that is what I suspect is most troubling -- a gay man who can compete in the most physically demanding, even punishing, of professional sports.
Isn't this sweet of Tom? In a post that explains why it's just so easy for straight schmucks to ridicule and demean faggots who are just too faggoty, he even includes his little faggot joke: "pardon the pun -- lick in a fight." What a fucking schmuck. But you're right, Tom: we live only to serve you, and to provide targets for your bigotry. It's our immense privilege, you fucking schmuck.

Meanwhile, Schaller, your problem is that you're not insecure enough, or about the right things. From Monsieur IOZ:
Here's a factoid: Between 1938 and 1963, the Kinsey Institute interviewed over 5000 men for its studies in human sexuality. Among other things, they measured the men's penises using five separate measures to mitigate against the obvious difficulties of measuring something that, you know, changes size. On all five measures, it was fags in first. Yes, Tom Schaller, we have better abs and bigger dicks. In the Junior High marketplace of locker-room bigotry that you seem eager to trawl, I believe that means we win.
Based on my own extensive life experience, I would say we win, and we win -- pardon the pun -- BIG TIME.

Some of you "liberals" aren't so liberal after all. I think you need a new label. I'll be nice: you can pick it yourself. Try to be accurate this time.

P.S. That reminds me: there are some old essays of mine on this general subject that I'll try to repost in the next day or two. And then I have a new installment about how queers are still forced into the shadows. You folks just aren't comfortable with us, are you? Christ, you should be embarrassed.